3rd Week of Phase 1 Treatment - Complete

There is no medicine like hope, no incentive so great, and no tonic so powerful as expectation of something better tomorrow. ~Orison Marden

Another week down....only 3-1/2 weeks more to go in this phase (well technically, that would be 19 radiation treatments, 28 more days of chemotherapy)....oh happy day!

I've been pretty tired this week and of all things came down with a respiratory infection. The doc put me on a z-pac antibiotic which has helped tremendously. No more fever, and on the road to recovery from that!

My hair is now beginning to thin in the spots were the radiation is focalized. Although I knew this was going to happen, it's kind of thrown me for a loop. I'm working to get over that! I know, it's only hair.
The condition of the body has little or no relationship to the condition of the spirit.

I hope that everyone had a wonderful Christmas spent in a meaningful way with those you love and care for...after all, this is what it's all about. I am forever grateful to all of you...my family and friends, who have been so prayerful, supportive and encouraging, you have changed my life with your outpouring and sharing of these gifts.

The Lord replied, "When you have seen only one set of footprints, My child, is when i carried you."

I'm focusing toward Week 4, so bring it on!!!

Peace,
Sandy

2nd Week of Phase 1 Treatment - Complete

But those that hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles, they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. Isaiah 40:31

Week 2 of radiation (10 days!)...DONE! 13 days of Chemotherapy...DONE! Yay! But it hasn't been without a price, hasn't been an easy week for me. I've been pretty hard on myself as I'm trying to cope emotionally with the fatigue that is setting in. I don't like this feeling one bit. It's been humbling to discover that I can only do so much and need to ask for help...which is very, very difficult for me. So my prayers this week have been focusing on letting the Lord carry me on this journey and to not resist help when it's offered.

This 'fatigue' business....it's a different sort of tired feeling, unlike any tiredness I've experienced before. I am very disciplined (to a fault!) and have always pushed and challenged myself to move forward in everything I do, but I'm struggling with being able to do that with this. I know...I know...I can hear all-you-all are saying..."Be kind to yourself, quit trying to make yourself do something when your body is telling you that you need to take it easy." And of course, all-you-all would be right!! But you see, I'm a bit stubborn (ha!..just a little bit!), so it will take me a while to finally drill that concept into this thick head of mine. ...I continue to be a work in progress!!

Alright...enough already of digressing into a pity party!! As Week 2 ends, statisically making me about 30.3% complete with Phase 1, I'm looking outward to Week 3. I CAN do this...I'm DOING it everyday..and I WILL continue to do it! My faith in God fills me with hope and confidence.

Please continue to keep me in your prayers.

The Lord is with me. I will not be afraid. Psalm 118:6

Onward to Week 3...

Peace and hope,
Sandy

Speak kindly.Live simply.Care deeply.Love generously.
Leave the rest to God.

First Week of Phase 1 Treatment - Complete

I stand firm and steadfast with God and all my 'healing supporters' in my fight against this disease . I know I'm already winning the battle.

My first week (5 days) of radiation is complete and 5 days into Chemotherapy...woohoo!! I have felt okay...several headaches, but nothing that extra-strength tylenol has not been able to take care of. Although today was a little worse than the previous days, a little stronger headache and starting to get a bit tired. I do tend to push myself, so today I came home from work and took a nap. So unlike me, however I must admit...so necessary!! But...only 5 1/2 more weeks of this phase!! They say the next couple of weeks will get a bit rough, but I remain up for the fight, because I know God is healing me and I believe in miracles.

I'm sorry if I sound like a broken record, but I don't want to take for granted all the wonderful prayers and support I have in all of you. I wouldn't be able to stay as strong as I am if not for everything that you all have done for me.

Crisis breeds transformation. With transformation HOPE is born. With HOPE, we can accomplish ALL things. I'm going to be LIVING proof!

Hope and Peace to all...
Sandy

Sharing an awesome email conversation with my sister Tracy

Email from my sister Tracy dated 12/05/2009:
San,
I just wanted you to know that I love you. I will be thinking of you on Monday at 6:15. Let me know how "the gathering" goes tomorrow. I am disappointed that I am missing the service.

I am in such awe of your strength, courage, support and faithfulness. I don't know how you do it. I am praying for you always and wish it was me instead of you going thru all of this. I continue to struggle with the why and know I should not but do anyway......

I am hopeful that I can get you down here in the near future for the healing power of the ocean and to recharge your batteries. Mom seems to like it here. I am glad. It unfortunately is in the 40's and windy. Rather like St. Louis weather but hoping for improvement during the week. The ocean tonight was very calm with a gentle wave and crisp clear water. Breathtaking. A beautiful sunsest also. Hopefully I can get some pictures.

Thinking of you always and loving you forever.

Trac
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My reply to Tracy on Sunday morning, 12/06/2009 :
I love you too, Trac. Thank you for your note.

I was actually laying in bed this morning kind in wonderment of how I am doing this too. But, you know what...I really, really do feel God with me and carrying me. If he wasn't, I know I would be a total wreck. I feel him..his strength...it's amazing.

I honestly keep going back to these two Bible verses. The first one is Matthew 6:27..."Add who of you by being worried is adding a single hour to his life?" The other is Matthew 9:22...Jesus turned and saw her. He said,
"Daughter, be encouraged. Your faith has made you well." And the women was healed at that moment.

These verses have made me realize the total lack of contol I have over all of this. They are telling me that I have no choice but to turn ALL of this over to God. He's healing me Tracy, I know it, I just feel it.

I'm not saying, by any stretch of the imagination, that I am not getting down occasionally...'cause I am. I get weapy and start to question why this is happening, what's the reason God chose me to walk this road. But every time that's happened, I tell myself a different story (sound familiar...I really took that sermon to heart!) and ask God to lift me up again....and he does, he just does. And actually as I'm thinking about this and typing to you ...I think a small miracle has occurred...God has finally got me to realize that I don't need to be in control of everything. Wow....that really is a miracle!

The other thing too, that is so, so important to me...is that as all of you see my faith and strength....you all will find the same and be comforted by that. I want to show by my example that we can face anything, but to face it we have live in trust, not fear. (another sermon take away!) I didn't realize it before, but I fully, totally believe that now.

I do frequently think about the email you sent where you mention a conversation between your friend Katie with breast cancer and the Nun, where they talked about living many more years and why do we expect to live even another day, why do we think tomorrow comes with a guarentee. This is so true...I just always took it for granted and now I don't. So....I am waking up thankful for everyday and gifts and opportunities it brings.

You know what, Tracy, I am really, really lucky. I never realized how many people cared for me or cared enough about me to reach out, pray for me and support me. Now I know....it's a very special feeling.

Have a great week. I'm glad Mom went with you, I hope you both recharge too and have a relaxing week in Florida. Be safe and talk to you soon.

Love you always..
~S
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Tracy's email reply on Sunday evening, 12/06/2009:
Where do all of these inspirations come from? You are amazing. I am thinking of you. Good luck tomorrow. I will set my alarm and be praying that a peace comes over you when laying there, so that it goes by quickly and easily.
Love T

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What an awesome family I have!!

First Treatment Today - December 7, 2009

I know the plans I have for you. They are plans for good and not disaster, to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11

I mentioned in my last blog update about the start of my treatments...well... I started today!! My appointment time was 6:15am. Most of you who know me well, know that I don't like being late for anything. So my 'prompt' self was at the Cancer Center at 6:05am. They took me in the radiation room at 6:09 and got down to business. Oh boy...I'm really gonna have to work at finding 'my happy place"!! Actually I prayed for calmness the entire time...which really did help. I also had the healing prayer quilt over me...that gave me a sense of peace as well. I'm taking that thing with me every day!!

Why is it though, that when you know that you can't move, you inevitably have a spot that just has to be scratched?? The technicians put my mask on, and then of course I needed to scratch...LOL! I said.."Wait, you gotta take this off, GAH!! my nose itches!!" I also wanted to say, "Do ya have to bolt me down so tight? I promise I won't move...really!!" ..but I didn't say it. Besides..I'm sure they would NOT have NOT let me wear the mask anyway. So they started the radiation...hit me beams in 3 different spots. The machine makes a buzzing sound when the radiation is on. I didn't feel anything, but it''s a kind of wierd, eerie noise which reminded me of a movie where a patient is undergoing 'shock treatment'. Thank goodness, I don't need that!!! Anyhow...it all went well and time did pass quickly. I was actually back in the car by 6:25am and on my way home and then made it work by 7am. It took me longer to drive there and back then the treatment appointment.

This morning I also started Temodar, which is the chemotherapy drug; Zofran, which is the anti-nausea drug, and an antibiotic, so as my immune system wears down, I won't get pnuemonia. My goodness...all the rules you need to follow with this stuff. But, I have it all written down, organized in a folder (No really....I'm not too anal rententive!) and I ended up putting everything in a day-by-day pill box, just to keep straight what I've taken and/or not taken. I for sure don't want to mess anything up with this.

As the day has worn on, I'm feeling fine..just a bit of nausea, but nothing that I'm sure another Zofran won't help. Thanks again for all the prayers everyone. I had many phone calls, emails and IM's today asking how I was feeling..thank you everyone for your concern...so far so good. Tomorrow is another day...looking forward to it!!

If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.

I remain enveloped in peace and hope,

Sandy
Speak kindly.Live Simply.Care Deeply.Love Generously.
Leave the rest to God.

Thursday, December 3, 2009: Radiation and Chemotherapy - Phase 1

"Do not be anxious about anything." Philippians 4:6
However....I am anxious to get my started on my treatments.....let’s get this healing process show on the road, folks!! I begin on Monday, 12/07/2009.

I met with the Radiation Oncologist at St. John’s on Wednesday morning, 12/02 and we talked about the 'plan'. They made the 'mask'. Actually it's more like a big mesh face helmet that will limit the movement of my head during my radiation treatments. That will be a little freaky, as I am somewhat claustrophobic, but it's a necessary apparatus that will ensure that I don't move my head, allowing the radiation to target the exact same spot on my head each and every time. As I lay there, confined, during radiation treatments, I will have to continually remind myself of the objective, so that I don't freak out when I can't move. I’m thinking maybe closing my eyes might be a good idea!! Treatment should last about 15-20 minutes.

So...as I have mentioned in previous posts, my Radiation Treatment will be a 5 day a week regimen for the next 6-1/2 weeks. So I start at 6:15am on Monday, 12/07/2010 and end on Friday, 01/22/2010. (Beginning on Tuesday, 12/08, my timeslot moves to 7 a.m....a little better, eh!) I'm sure some of you said under your breath with a raised eyebrow...7 a.m....you crazy girl??? I am an early riser, I just want to get in there and gitter done!!

I met with my Medical Oncologist at St. John’s Wednesday afternoon, 12/02 and discussed how I am to take the Temodar, which is the chemotherapy drug. I start that on Monday, 12/07 as well. It is in pill form, so I will take this medication at bedtime, in hopes that if I have nausea, I will sleep through it. And that’s a good one…since I’m not sleeping well…we’ll see how that works out for me.

The results of the MRI that was done post-op on 11/20, which was 16 days after surgery, showed a very small spot in the area where the tumor was removed. They couldn’t tell whether it was tumor growth or scar tissue, but the doctor was cautiously optimistic that if it was tumor growth, the radiation will take care of that spot. I’m not worried about it; because I am trusting God is healing me!!

So there you have it…..This is phase 1 of treatment. No doubt it will be a long and rough 6-1/2 weeks, but I am up for the challenge. I know I’m going to be tired and probably sick, but God will carry me through this and make me stronger! After this phase, I will begin another round of Chemotherapy, but I'll get into that as I get closer to the end of this phase. I'm taking one day at a time and keeping in mind that everyday is a gift.

Once again, I must tell you that I am forever grateful for all of my ‘prayer warriors’ and extended healing family for your endless prayers, your inspiration and strength which continues to lift me up on a daily basis. I am still amazed at the outpouring of support by everyone, people I know and don’t know...thank you, thank you, and thank you!! I am so incredibly touched and I feel the power that is directed toward me that there is no way I can lose this fight. I am so lucky to have you all on my side.

“Don’t get discouraged and give up, for we will reap a harvest of blessing at the appropriate time.”
Galatians 6:9

Things are in good hands. Our Lord and Creator of the universe knows what is going on in our lives and keeps watch over us as we come and go, both now and forever.

I will blog again soon.

Peace and blessings to all,
Sandy